An Empathetic Approach to Relational Healing
From big life changes to differences in early childhood development, there are many reasons distressed couples are faced with the pain of disconnection. As a dedicated couples therapist, I help you and your partner navigate conflict by facilitating dialogue and offering solutions. In investigating your dynamics and observing your interactions in real-time, I’m able to help you and your partner build a foundation of communication and trust.
%20(1).webp)
Couples I Work With
I work with couples that have found their relationship in disrepair and don’t understand why, or what they can do to fix it.
Sometimes an external factor, like a life change or an explicit betrayal, brings conflict to the surface. Other times, challenges lurk in the depths of your life experiences and relationship history. These differences in cultural, racial, religious, and socio-economic backgrounds can make it hard to understand your partner’s behaviors or communication style; as a Chinese-speaking therapist, I work with many Asian, Chinese American, and immigrant couples who face some of these unique challenges.
No matter what causes a disconnection, I help clients who are invested in the therapeutic process find solutions that address their needs--both as individuals and as a unit. The couples I work with make tangible changes in their relationship because they take the first step toward healing together.
.svg)
.svg)
Areas of Specialization
Though I see couples facing a variety of unique circumstances, most of the work I do can be categorized into one of the following specialties:
Move Beyond Willfulness and Find Motivation
Before you can make concrete changes in your relationship, there are several smaller stages to work through. For some, that looks like finding the motivation, or the awareness that there is something you must change to create the relationship you want.
Finding motivation is complex. Some of us can’t recognize what we need to change for a better relationship. Others of us know something is not working, but are unwilling to do the work necessary. Finding this motivation is crucial because without it therapy won’t be effective. In the first couple of sessions, and on an ongoing basis, I assess both partners’ level of clarity and motivation.
I help couples identify their goals by asking them questions like:
- What type of relationship do you want to create?
- What do you want to stop doing?
- What do you want to start doing differently to build a more loving and fulfilling relationship?
- Do you know what bothers your partner about you?
- Are you being the partner you aspire to be?
- What would it take to become the partner you want to be?
.webp)
Conflict Resolution & Communication Coaching
For couples that fight and struggle with communication, I get to the bottom of their arguments. By learning about the content of your fights – do you argue about the same issues all the time, or do different things come up? – and then how your conflicts unfold – who initiates the disagreement and how does the conflict escalate? – I am able to map out the life cycle of your fights. Ultimately, I help you and your partner move through the key issues blocking your relationship from growth and fulfillment.
Conflict Avoidance
You may find yourself at the other end of the spectrum when it comes to relational conflict. In the face of conflicts, you may get flooded by intense emotions such as shame in reaction to your partner’s expectations or criticism. Instead of staying in communication, you shut down altogether, or stop revealing how you truly feel to avoid conflict, leading to greater dissatisfaction and alienation in the relationship. I help people respond to tension skillfully without stonewalling.
Couples Therapy for One
Sometimes your partner is not willing or ready to start counseling. In couples therapy for one, I help you uncover your half of the equation so that you can access the tools and perspective you need to find a path forward.
.svg)
.webp)
Premarital
Before making one of the most important decisions in your life, it’s crucial to set yourself up for success – both individually and as a couple. In premarital counseling, I help you hash out important conversations about your approach to finances, division of labor, relationships with your extended families, communication, lifestyle, and other related issues. We also establish each partner’s non-negotiables and areas of flexibility.
Rekindle Emotional Closeness & Sexual Intimacy
If you and your partner have been together for a long time, you may feel more like roommates or co-parents than romantic partners. You make a good team in the family enterprise, but you feel like your passion was lost along the way – and you miss it. It takes intentional efforts to rekindle and maintain intimacy.
I help you clarify what you want at this stage of your relationship. I also help you practice collaboration, negotiation, and experimentation, which helps you re-engage your curiosity and reconnect to each other.
Discernment Counseling
In discernment counseling, I help couples have the difficult conversations necessary to decide if they want to stay coupled or not. If you choose to stay together, we discover how you can approach things differently in order to create different outcomes. If you decide to separate, we explore how you can separate amicably with the least amount of damage, particularly if there are dependents involved.
Singles Looking for Relationships
Looking for love starts with uncovering a strong sense of self. In therapy for singles, I help you discover what you want in a relationship, your negotiables and non-negotiables, your attachment styles, as well as how your past histories and traumas may show up in dating.
.svg)
.svg)
.webp)
Betrayal Recovery
I help you and your partner navigate recovery in painful instances of betrayal or infidelity. This involves a 5-step system that helps couples find acceptance, healing, and rebuild trust.
Do you have questions about how I approach couples therapy?
READ MY FAQ.svg)
.svg)
Outcomes
When your relationship is struggling it’s difficult to really hear one another, or to feel heard. Each of you has rigid expectations of how the other will react to certain triggers and situations, trapping you in cycles of destructive arguments. In couples therapy, I give you the concrete tools you need to break free from these cycles, and cultivate new ways of showing up to your relationship.
I empower you and your partner to:
- Understand both of your relationship needs and wants.
- Tend to each other’s wishes and desires.
- Learn what makes each of you feel connected.
- Recognize how your behaviors impact one another.
- Recognize how you perceive one another’s behavior.
- Find awareness around how your family and upbringing impact your relationship.
- Set individual goals that will improve your relationship.
- Have difficult conversations without getting riled up.
- Heal trust issues.
- Find new ways to react to letdowns and disappointments.
- Accept differences.
- Practice setting boundaries.
- Handle disagreements in a healthy manner.
- Identify your triggers and learn how to handle your responses to them.
- Identify your partner’s triggers, and learn how to manage the behaviors that trigger them.
- Listen empathetically, nonjudgmentally, and non-defensively.
- Heal after a disagreement or fight.
- Express yourself clearly and effectively.
- Say what you mean without criticism or defenses.
- Acknowledge your partner’s perspective.
- Approach problems with a collaborative attitude as a team.
- Embrace your partner’s influence.
- Be kind and giving when it’s difficult to do so.
- Use humor and affection to hold each other accountable, instead of starting new arguments.
- Stop fixating on what isn’t working, and instead focus on what’s producing results.
- Express gratitude and show appreciation
These outcomes are inspired by Dr. Sara Schwarzbaum of The Academy for Couples Therapists.
Ultimately, embarking on this new journey with your partner can add a profound new layer of meaning to your life. Many of my clients encounter emotional breakthroughs when they can finally acknowledge their partner’s experience and have their own truth validated in return.
.svg)
.svg)
.webp)
Session Structure and Pricing
I accommodate clients seeking both long-term and short-term engagements. The frequency of sessions is determined by your individual goals and needs.
$200 per 50 minutes
In this meeting, we establish your therapeutic goals. I then provide you a roadmap, outlining the work we will address for the next 5-10 sessions.
$175 per 50 minutes
$260 per 75 minutes
$350 per 90 minutes
$525 per 3 hours
As an out-of-network provider, I can provide invoices to submit to your insurance plans if out-of-network benefits apply.
.webp)
Interested in Working Together?
Send Me a Message
